


saved by the bell

by orphan_account



Category: South Park
Genre: F/M, Love/Hate, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2016-11-30
Packaged: 2018-09-03 08:45:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8705587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: the new girl at school has an interest in Kyle, and Cartman's not too fond of her.





	

**Author's Note:**

> my first a03 woop woop

There was something off about that afternoon. On their way home, Kyle had nearly tripped from looking down at his phone. That, was the first hint. 

Kyle sat next to Stan on the bus the next morning, but he was silent, except for the key clicks coming from his phone. That, was the second hint. 

Just as they had merely walked into the school building, Kyle was attacked in a grizzly like manner. Cartman was quick to make sure that whoever had pushed Kyle down like this would feel his wrath, but Kyle wasn't angry. Not one bit. Kyle was giggling, almost like a school girl, which was exactly what had tackled him.

She was French. She had dark brown hair that went all the way down to her butt crack, and sparkling green eyes. She was wearing some fancy button up shirt that looked like it was going to burst from her obviously stuffed double D's and a plaid skirt that was two sizes too small. Her knee high socks had lace on them, and her little shoes were shinier and newer than anything Cartman had had before. 

If that wasn't bad enough, when he got to first hour, which was German lll, She waltzed in like she had been there the entire year. Ms. Kamp made a big deal about welcoming her and she even made her talk about France, even though it was German class.

"In France, when greeting people, we kiss them on both cheeks," She giggled. 

She sashayed over to Butters and did just that, and he hid his budding red face in his hands. 

"Thank you, Serene, I love talking about European culture," Ms. Kamp gushed, as if Serene had just parted the Red Sea or some shit. Her teeth were whiter than Mr. Jefferson, and her tanned skin that sometimes revealed itself whenever she stretched her hand up too far to answer basic questions Ms. Kamp was asking. All the boys except for Cartman, were so fond of her. 

Cartman wasn't looking forward to lunch. He knew exactly where Serene was going to sit, and he knew exactly that Kyle wouldn't care that he had been sitting there since freshman year. As he dragged himself into the lunch line, He caught a glimpse of Kyle up ahead, but didn't see her majesty with him. 

Cartman had just smacked his tray down and was munching on his fries 

"Bonjour, Kyle!" Serene exclaimed, waving her free hand at him. 

Stan smirked at Kyle, giving him a thumbs up while Serene batted her eyelashes at Kenny, who gave her a subtle wink. Cartman couldn't believe that one French bitch could throw off his entire table, but he must've underestimated her. 

Serene didn't hesitate, or even try to ask Kyle to scoot over, she just took a seat right on Kyle's lap. Kyle didn't react however, he just shrugged, and when she put her arm around his shoulder, he quickly got it off. 

"So Kyle, how do you feel about coming home with me tonight?" She said while dancing her fingers up Kyle's chest. "I'm sure my host family wouldn't mind you coming to 'eat out' with us." 

Even Kenny choked on his food. All of them were coughing, trying to recover from her comment when she crossed her arms over her chest. 

"God, you Americans are so touchy!" She exclaimed. "Well, if you aren't going to accept my offer, Kyle, then I'll just go ask Clyde!" 

Before she could fully get her legs out from the table, Cartman made sure to hook his foot under her left foot, and she went toppling over. Her skirt flew up, revealing her Hello Kitty thong that Kenny snapped a picture of with his phone. If Serene wasn't already planning to go back to France, her shirt busted open, and out spilled enough tissues for a seventh grade boy to use, and then some. 

She was sobbing, and her expensive looking makeup was now running down her clear skin, and as she ran out of the Cafeteria, her bra slipped off. Many of the girls were whispering and gossiping already, while all of the boys remained silent.

"...whoa, dude." Stan finally said, breaking the long silence that had come over their table. "That was -" 

"That poor girl," Kyle murmured, interrupting Stan. Kyle always had to be a saint, didn't he?

"She had it coming," Cartman tried to assure Kyle, but Kyle just shook his head and picked up his tray. 

"Aw come on, Kahl. You knew she was a slut!" Cartman exclaimed loud enough for the entire cafeteria to hear. Everyone stopped what they were doing to look at the two boys.

"Why is it, that every relationship that I have, you have to come along and ruin it?!" Kyle screamed back, his green eyes pouring rage into Cartman's soul. "Nichole, Bebe, Red, and now Serene? Why is it always you?" 

You could hear a pen drop in the Cafeteria now. Everyone was looking at the two expecting for one of them to start throwing punches. 

"He loves you, Kyle!" Someone shouted. 

"PFFT!" Cartman wailed, laughing harder than he had in years. "You...really...think...I love Kahl? AHAHHA-" 

"Well maybe you're just jealous because no one wants to date your sadistic and fat ass!" Kyle screamed, the jersey accent wavering in his voice.

Cartman got up out of his seat, only to grab his tray and dump the remnants of his lunch onto Kyle's head and shoulders. He continued to screech with laughter while the whole cafeteria watched, waiting for Kyle to explode. 

Cartman's laughing was cut off by Kyle slapping him with his now empty tray. It sent Cartman back a few feet but he charged Kyle at full speed, just to send him back into one of the brick walls.

Kyle hobbled up, and limped over, but before he could even swing, Clyde had already run over and clocked Cartman in the nose, which made him stumble and fall back onto the table. Stan and Kenny were   
wide-eyed, full well knowing Clyde was about to have his funeral planned. 

"ERGH!" Cartman cried out as he slammed Clyde down to the ground. Clyde was nearly in a pretzel and you could definitely hear him crying, when the suspense ridden Cafeteria was filled with teachers and the principal, who had already managed to grab ahold of Kyle. 

"CARTMAN, BROFLOVSKI, DONOVAN, IN MY OFFICE, NOW!" the principal thundered. The three boys all hung their heads, and followed the principal into his office. 

"Can you all tell me why Eric has a bloody nose, Clyde is crying, and-" the principal stopped to look at Kyle. "What's your name? You've never been in my office before." 

"It's Kyle-" 

"-Schwartz," Cartman blurted. "Kyle Schwartz." 

Kyle shot Cartman a look, who was calmly stuffing tissues up his noses. The principal didn't even check his name on the computer, before asking what happened.

"Well, uh, that new student Serene, fell out of her chair and-" Clyde began.

"I know, I mean after that." 

"Cartman called her a slut, so I stood up for her, and then, I-" Kyle sighed. "I said no one even wanted to date him anyways, and he dumped food on me." 

The principal kept writing, and Clyde continued to sniffle.

"She's not a whore!" Clyde exclaimed through his tears. 

"I didn't call her a whore, Clyde, I called her a slut," Cartman reminded. "Wha'd she ever seen in you anyway-"

"Mr. Cartman, I have an appointment at 1 I need to get to, please don't have side conversations," The principal snapped. 

Kyle took a deep breath in. "I slapped him with my tray and he pushed me back into the wall, and I was going to retaliate but Clyde got to him first and broke his nose-" 

"-which really fucking hurts." Cartman chided in.

The principal sighed and took off her glasses. "Look. That girl was nothing but trouble, she broke every rule in the student handbook, and I think the only person I feel like punishing is Eric-" 

"Aye!" Cartman cried. "Kyle here also called me a fatass, if you're so hung up about me calling that girl a slut!" 

"-but I'm not going to, as his nose is punishment enough. I think you all just need to go home and get cleaned up." 

All three of them went to get sit in the main lobby to wait for their parents. Kyle couldn't help but wonder how he had gotten off so easily, having slapped a fellow classmate with a tray.

"Why'd you say my last name was Schwartz?" 

Cartman huffed. "I knew your Jew mom would get mad at you if you got anything on your permanent record. But I knew you'd fuck me up if you got in trouble."

Kyle laughed. "God, sometimes you do care." 

"Only about myself, Jew." Cartman said, wrapping his arms around his own body, "Hell, I'd date me!" 

"You like to pretend you don't care about other people. Sometimes I wonder if you didn't like that girl because she liked me..." after Kyle had said it, he pondered the idea himself. What if that was the case? What if Cartman has ruined all of Kyle's relationships because he wanted Kyle all to himself.

Kyle looked over at Cartman, who had turned a reddish tint, and was trying his best not to look at him. 

"Oh, Eric!" Kyle looked up, only to see Cartman's mom. 

Saved by the bell, Kyle thought.


End file.
